damn again - me and men

Today I was off. I had scratched my eye on monday morning and it was beet red. I didnt know anything about it until someone told me at work. And as the day went on it got worst. So I decided to stay home so it came get better and I can work a lil more productive. But that is not the reason for the blog. I just need an opening statement. Well I was on the way bus on the way home. I saw this cute ass younging on the bus. But truly when is there not a cutie on the bus. LOL well I was looking at ugly betty on my ipod. Yeah trying to get into something new. So as I was watching it. I felt someone just staring at me. So I looked up and it was the cutie that i saw get one the bus. Well when dudes start to check me out I get nervous and start to play with my tongue ring. Why I don't know. I think it is the impulse of what am I gonna say if dude approaches me. Well I began to check him out also. The bus was crowded but I didnt want anyone to know my business. So I do the usual I just smile and smerk it off. Just as things started to heat up my stop comes and I get off. Hoping he would get off with me, but he didnt. I waved at him but he stayed on the bus. Now I am sitting here thinking once again I fucked up. I dont know why it is so hard for me to talk to dudes. I just fumble well only if they are really interested in me and I am interested in them. I think if i would have talked to him and he said someting that caught my eye i would have stayed on the bus. But once again I didnt. I get so fustrated with myself when this happens and it has happened so many times. I just pray that I see them again but i usually dont. I really need to step up my game or I am gonna be single for the rest of my life. Not to say that every dude I meet i want him to be my man or my boytoy, but jezz the single life sucks. Well at times. LOL Yeah I like my freedom, but sometimes being tied down to the one you love would be great. I have been there only once, well one really good one. I am sitting here still stuck on this. I just wish it would go away like the other times.