my best friend - lil brotha

In all the years I have known my play lil brotha i never thought this would happen to me. I am in love with him. I have been for quite so time now, but I just ignored it. Finally god has put this right in my face and i dont know what to do about it. I told him and know I just want to take it all back. I am so afraid that I am gonna lose him now that i have told him. We still talk and text and that night wow that night. Everything went great we talked and hung out. I was so fucked up beyond fucked up. We drank and smoked til i couldnt no more. Then I layed in his arms. Those arms whoa those arms. As i was wrapped in them I felt this safeness, like he was my protector like the world just stopped and all i could hear was the measure of his heartbeat. I fell asleep as he stayed up and watched the movie. He woke me i alarmed the clock for him to get up in the morning for work. Then we climbed into bed and looked at each other and i told him everything. As we lyed there and just talked and I being drunk and high just confess my whole heart. Something I havent done in such a long time. I feel so comfortable around him. I just think I am to late. I remember the other times that he tried to holla at me and I always said not now. WEll is this not now for me. I knew all those times that he asked me to be with him that i should have took a chance. I always said he was to young and he knew time to grow, when in reality it was me who need time to grow. I was the one that was messed up and not ready. Now that I am ready I am just to late. I did something that i said i would never do which was step on someone elses toes. He has a boyfriend and his boyfriend doesnt like me to much. He always saw that bond that we had. He didnt like it when we were just chillin alone or talking and whispering like we always do. I know for one thing nothing would ever happen in other way cuse he is very faithful. That is one of the things that i admire about him is his faithfulness and love for one. He always wanted love and i was hoping i was the one to give it to him, but i was so scared and stupid. Even though i know he would have been 100% dedicated to me. There I go again just being non trusting and scared. I know i can trust him. I have my issues with that and i really need to let that go. I am trying and I think that is why god is blessin me. I have been meeting dudes when i go out. I am not being the shy dude but i still meet idiots. Well the feelings and love I have for him i am gonna leave it in god's hands.